A LIE REVEALED: Fighting Self-Comparison

This morning I realized that I've been just subtly believing this lie- probably for the past year or so. This lie is tangled up in some daily thoughts- daily thoughts that I've been thinking for definitely a whole year. So here goes...

 

The lie is that I'm not as great as I used to be.

 

That the current me isn't as fun, joyful, excited... whatever... as the "old me" used to be. 

 

 

I've always said that I'm not a competitive person. When it comes to me having the opportunity to compete against someone else- I back off immediately. Nope. Not my thing. 

 

But when it comes to competing with myself... ooh. Got me. That's where I excel. Thinking about competing with myself. Beating my last goal. Topping my excitement for life and goals day by day. I'm mentally all about that. 

 

That self-competitiveness has made its way into my self-perception. 

 

"Sarah, you're not topping your previous self. You're not as excited. Not as ambitious. What happened?" 

 

The more and more I compare myself to well... myself... the less happy I am about my current self. 

 

When I realized this lie this morning, a truth followed in my thoughts to counteract it: 

 

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up: do you not perceive it?" (Isaiah 43:19)

 

Nope I didn't perceive it. I'm definitely not perceiving it.

 

Because I've been very focused on what used to happen in the life of "old me."

 

There is a question that "old me" asked God on a daily basis, though, that more-recent-me hasn't asked Him in a long time: "What's next, God?" 

 

I haven't been asking Him what He's doing.

 

I used to engage and just be patiently waiting to "perceive the new thing" He's doing. 

 

On the edge of my seat remembering that He's always doing new things. 

 

This stage of my life right now- this very stage of life lived out with God right now- is just as good as the new things He did previously. 

 

Your current life is not a diminished version of what it should be. 

 

Just going to type that again. Pretty much for myself.

 

Your current life is not a diminished version of what it should be. 

 

Your current life is a new thing. 

 

Just now springing up. 

 

Ripe and ready for the new things coming. 

 

Your day-to-day isn't any less that your day-to-day previously. 

 

Your new responsibilities- whatever those look like- aren't a new type of burden to hold up. Just like the old one's they're still part of the "something new" that is just springing up. Just beginning to be perceived. 

 

I ask God for correct perception. Less comparison. Correct perception.

 

That He would restore my excitement for the day-to-day. That He would remind me to block out the lies that my current self is different from my old self. That He would show me the beauty springing up today

 

There are things that current me is learning that old me never would have been able to hold onto. There are honors and beauties that current me can understand that old me would have passed by. There are new heights in my relationship with God that current me can handle that old me might have been too excited to pay attention to.

 

The version of who I am today is not diminished from who I was previously. God is constantly making me.

 

And the goal is to be more like Jesus. Not more like my old self. 

 

So two questions are at the end of this reflection and should guide my thoughts moving forward: 

 

1. What new thing is God doing?

2. Does it look more like Jesus?

 

If the new things happening look more like something that Jesus would be pumped about, I'm all in.

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