Do you ever feel guilty about doing what you love?
That might sound weird but lately as I’ve been pursuing painting more (what i love and what feels so good and natural for me), I get this feeling of....
Why do I get to do this thing that feels so easy and good for me?
Shouldn’t I do something harder?
It’s not the feeling of “oh I should challenge myself more and grow.” That is good.
It’s... shouldn’t I have to be in the grind too? Like so many other people are?
A guilt for living and doing the thing that feels best for me.
The thing is- what if I actually let that hold me back? What if instead of pushing that thought out and pushing through and saying NO. THIS IS WHAT I LOVE TO DO...
What if I just went and got a day job?
(Note- there is NO shame in a day job. I have just learned what works for me and what brings me joy and feels like my purpose, so I am saying this through that lens. Purpose and what is good looks different for everyone.)
Okay so what if I just took that feeling of “is it bad that this comes so naturally and feels easier than most people have it job-wise” and gave it up. Because I think I should do something "harder".
It’s a guilt. It feels luxurious.
Years ago I used to operate in a place where I could write very often and paint often. Less responsibilities. (I guess it’s called being younger.)
But being in a busy, constantly changing season in the past three years, this is the first time I’m feeling this guilt associated with painting and doing what I love.
So what do I do with it? That’s the question.
It’s comparison. Right at the heart of it is comparison. And worry that people will think “she doesn’t do difficult things.”
Dang. That’s it, friends.
When that’s not the truth. It’s that this feels easy and natural for me because it’s how God made me. And because it’s part of my purpose. And because it brings me joy.
So all this to say, I’m really thankful that I don’t have to be tempted by the lie that I have to live continuously in what feels like a grind to me. It’s not overly luxurious to do what I love.
It's not overly luxurious to do what you love.
It’s a blessing, for sure. It should be handled with thankfulness and appreciation to be in such a good space. It definitely shouldn’t be taken for granted.
But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.