I’ve been feeling a lot of tension lately.
Tension in making decisions. In friendships. About life transitions. Tension about what’s next. Uncertainty.
The anxiety builds.
Have you felt it?
And beyond that, there’s tension all around, seemingly surrounding so much that it’s tempting to not just cover my ears and move forward. To shut my ears and close my eyes and hope it’s all over soon. That love would just reign sooner rather than later and the tension could just be… done.
Not to be cliché but I guess the only way out is through.
The question is what does “through” look like?
I couldn’t sleep last night. Absolutely couldn’t. I wake up at 3 and 4 am and can’t fall back asleep for at least an hour. That’s my problem. But the reason was tension. Anxiety build up.
Can’t. It. Just. Stop?
So this morning, praise God, I found myself just journaling.
I have no idea what to do about a lot of things. But the beautiful thing is I have a God who can tell me what is important for the day. A God who is most certainly there. And willing to direct and tell me what’s important about then tension and what’s not. To delineate what’s just stress and conflict and what is important for me.
I know a majority of the world has been feeling it right now. All the tension. The tension in the world. And the stress is compounding surely into daily life matters. I pray it doesn’t. But stakes seem high right now on all fronts. What area is safe? Where can we go to just really dig in and get some stability again? Why does it all feel like this?
This morning I journaled. And God gave me direction for the day.
I promise, I started out a mess.
Just anxious. Worried. Unsure.
And there are still a lot of things I’m unsure about.
But the thing is, now I’ve laid them all in His hands. They are no longer my responsibility beyond the fact that if God tells me to act on something I will act on something. I’ve given them up.
That’s prayer. Surrendering all the crap ;)
It’s too much for me.
Most of these things that I’m concerned about, while I may play a small role in them, I can’t do anything about them except trust. Not freak out. Ask what the next step is. And make the next move He says to. On all fronts.
The next move He says to.
It’s tempting to spiral. To just act and freak out and feel like I have to do something.
I can’t do that until I’ve submitted all of these swirling thoughts to Him.
So I don’t know where you’re at. I don’t know if your mind is raging. If your heart is confused. And if the thoughts just keep coming and won’t let up like they have been for me. If you’re experiencing any bit of anxiety right now that keeps you awake at night. I feel you. I’m there too.
Day by day, friends. Day by day.
Day by day submitting our needs to Him. Our questions to Him. Our desires to Him. Our anger and hopes and worries and prayers and all the uncertainty that plagues us.
It’s rough. It’s not easy.
But you know what’s so much better than just being anxious on my own?
Surrendering my thoughts to Him. Journaling them all. Laying them right there and just saying, “What now? What’s next, Dad? What do I do today?”
Because I can’t do much other than that. Other than “What do I do today?” And “What is the right thing to hold onto in my heart right now? What thoughts do you want me to stick with, Dad? Please hold those in my mind.”
So I want to say a prayer for us. I get the anxiety. The worry. The uncertainty.
Dad. Gosh you are so good. We love you so much and thank you for being our desperately-needed resting place. In your heart is all the good things. All the good things we could ever need. Thank you that your storehouses are good. That all the thoughts that You store up are good and righteous and true. You have charted what is next for us. You know absolutely what is next. You know what this season looks like. You know all of the factors that are at play in all the things we are worried about. Thank you, Lord for being so so sovereign. Thanks that You are in control. We just declare Your control over every situation in our lives. We echo David and say that no weapons formed against ourselves, our families, friends, and nation shall prosper in Jesus’s name. We thank you for unity. Please strengthen Your body to be united at this time. Most importantly, unite us to You. Draw us a lot closer than we’ve ever been. Bring us a lot closer than we even want to be. You are our security and are worthy of praise.
We ask for an extra measure of peace today from Your Holy Spirit. We can’t do it without You. And we most certainly can’t do Your will without Your peace and Your provision for us. We trust you, we trust You, we trust You. You are worthy to be trusted. Love You, Jesus. Amen.